wasting time!!

lately have been wasting damn lot of time.. doing nothing beneficial.. doing nothing.. my mom always scold me for looking at the computer whole day long, and i am really very frustrated at myself also.. Do i have any better thing to do than wasting time in front of computer? yes I have.. but I have to open computer everyday to check the mail from selset or university, and once I open my computer, I could not ask myself to shut it down.. I really do not want to waste time in front of a computer anymore!!! I am going to fly soon and I am spending my time on computer.. haih, lotsa crap here.. but frankly, I do not know what to do..

my mom is always busy, and my dad is always not at home.. My friends? been sms too much with them until my handphone bill reach new record.. so, the best way is to online right? I really do not wanna believe that I am leaving home soon... not to shah alam.. but to a place that I have never been before.. yea, it is true that I have never been to section 17 and 18 before I spend my 18 months there.. yea, it is true that the flight from nz would take almost the same hours as the super slow tortoise bus from shah alam back to penang.. but,
shah alam's weather is still between 27 to 33 degree C whole year long
shah alam's food are still rice
shah alam's people are still malaysian
shah alam's tic back to penang only costs rm29 and I do not need passport to book it
I make shah alam sounds so much better than nz..

yes, i can't wait to go to nz.. I have never been to there and it would be interesting to meet new people there, to enjoy the beautiful scenery, to start the course that I chose, to get a step nearer to my dream job..

but

I do not want to leave malaysia yet.. I don't care how other people criticize Malaysia, I still love her more than any other countries.. because, I have family here, i have friends here, i have memories here, memories of 18 years.. yea i know i can come back [come on! only 9 months]
but i have never been away from home for 9 months! and i think i am sort of reluctant to accept the fact that I am leaving home in less than 1 month.. I do not want to go and see and buy luggage, I have no interest in buying winter clothes, I have not even prepared anything.. I know what shall I do, I know I have to buy luggage, buy winter clothes, buy adapter, install windows... but i just do not want to.. my friend asked me " what if they ask you to fly on 3rd after the briefing on 30th?" I just stared at her, speechless for a moment, then say " die la.." die because I wont be able to finish packing in 3 days.. and, I really want to spend cny with family.. I hate cny songs since young, feeling that they cant be compared to nice Christmas carols.. but this year, when I listen to cny songs, they always make me almost cry, without failing.. I know this year would be a great cny, as we cant go to visit people's house and it will be more to family gathering.. the only thing I dont like bout cny is to 拜年, the heat, the unfamiliar "relatives", the uneasiness.. but this year, no more 拜年, just gather at my aunts' house on different day.. my family will gather at my house on 10th.. hopefully I am still here.. isn't that great? spending cny with close family, in the houses that you know very well.. do not need to ask, 等下那个我们要去他家的是要叫什么，do not need to pretend to be polite to ask, where is the toilet.. great cny!!

i will always tell myself that, i am so damn lucky to get to study the course I chose, sooo many people cant get their first choice and I got it.. I am so damn lucky to get a chance to study abroad.. I am so damn lucky to get to fly.. so, I shall start preparing.. nz isn't that far only right? with internet, there will be no difference between nz n shah alam.. even 18 months fly, and surely 9 months aint what.. here i come, to start my way to be a vet...